Hitting the Wall: Remedies for Writers Block

To tell the truth, this hasn’t happened to me in so long I’ve forgotten that I’m just as susceptible to writer’s block as anyone else. In fact, I didn’t even notice that I had come to a complete standstill — writing-wise — until someone asked me if I had “retired.” Well, in truth, writer’s block is like retirement, only with guilt. Lots of guilt, especially when this is how you earn your living. What to do? Here are some things I have tried and will now pass along to you, just in case you ever need them.

1. Clean up your office, top to bottom. File or pitch every piece of paper. Use Windex or Mr. Clean or Pledge on all surfaces. Vacuum or sweep or wash and wax the floor. Wash your keyboard. OK. Your universe is clean. Now, you can get to work.

2. No, not yet? The next trick is to remove distractions, which include all the things you have to do that are keeping you from doing what your really have to do, which is write. If it’s paying bills, pay them. If it’s laundry, do it all. If it’s calling your mother or designing a flyer or checking every piece of e-mail, get it all out of the way. After all, who can work with a mind that looks like a messy to-do list?

3. Still not ready? Acknowledge it, accept it, forget it. Unplug the computer. Take at least 24 hours off. Go for a walk or a bike ride. Take a nap. Take a bath. Meditate. Go to a movie. Read a trashy novel. Call your best friend. Work out. Go dancing. Eat ice cream or whatever you consider really sinful. But do not think about work.

4. Refreshed and ready to go yet? No? Enough of this nonsense. It’s time to get tough with yourself. This isn't a game, my friend; this is what you do. You’re a pro. You don’t wait for inspiration; you do what has to be done, when it has to be done. So, as the saying goes, just do it. Put on your most comfortable writing clothes; fix yourself a cup of coffee; turn off the phone; flex your fingers; and put them on the keys.

5. Now, write.

Technology Overload

We have a saying in our family: The one who dies with the most toys wins. Until recently, I didn’t even think I was a competitor; now, I’m sure I’m going to win.

It started with the new external hard drive, which I had to have because it spoke two languages: Mac and PC. Then, there was the ergonomic keyboard for the PC, since my fingers seem incapable of negotiating a standard laptop keyboard. And, of course, I had to have a universal wireless mouse of my own, despite the fact that there were mice in every drawer of every desk in two states.

The entire time I was in Florida, every time I made or received a phone call on my cell phone, I had to go outside to talk because my phone didn’t seem to like the house, especially the kitchen. My earpiece wouldn’t work at all, so I wore out my left ear smashing the phone up against it. Leslie finally took pity on me and gave me her old cell phone, but then she had to take me to the Sprint store to switch my phone number and contact list. I was happy as a clam, but what did I know? Apparently, a truly modern cell phone user is half naked without a Bluetooth permanently attached to his or her ear. Need I say more?

By now, three quarters of the world knows the saga of my new laptop. Really, it seemed perfect until I realized how incomplete I felt not being able to send e-mail or access the Internet while sitting in bed, which is about five feet away from my desk. “Why do you need wireless when you live in a closet?” Terry asked. My condo may be small, but it is not a closet. Besides, no one really needs wireless. It’s like diamonds. People have been known to live all their lives without diamonds. But the question is, are they really happy?

Such reasoning immediately sent me to Best Buy to inquire about a wireless modem. The inquiry led to the purchase, which led to the attempted installation, which led to the frustration, which led a totally unintelligible conversation with someone in India. I don’t know what he said, but it doesn’t matter because I am connected and can access the Internet from every room. What more could I possibly want, except maybe to figure out why I still can’t send and e-mail from any room?